"i wanna quit the gym"!!

Okay, you know that episode of FRIENDS where Chandler wants to quit the gym?! For all of you who know what I'm talking about, that is how I felt the other day! Only it was not the gym, it was my Rogers cell phone service. "I wanna quit Rogers!!"
I called them, because my cell phone bill for last month was a ridiculously high $125 in one month. So I was like, "I need to cancel my service" at which point the lady that I was talking to I'm sure put on her sweet voice, and said, as sympathetically as she could, "may I ask why?"
That opened a whole can of worms, to talk about all the problems with Rogers, and with my phone, and somehow, at the end of the conversation, I not only found it impossible to quit Rogers, but I also found myself with a new plan, (that is more expensive, but will save me money in the long run) and a new phone!
Oh dear. I am not good at saying no.

On a side note, Sarah is back! Yay. It's so exciting...we got to see her for a couple of days. We went camping (with the church), had a party, ate Earls, and well, just hang out. It was good. And only three more restaurant shifts, before I go to work for the rest of the summer at my church, as the assistant to the children's pastor. It will be much more fun than waiting tables!

Falling.

I don't know why I posted this picture...it is completely random. It is me and Larissa up on the Calgary tower, and we are standing on the glass floor pretending that we are falling off. Hmm...I feel like that is what my life feels like lately. I am falling...and I just feel kind of out of control to stop it or fix it! Nothing huge is happening to me, but I just feel almost like life is happening around me, you know? I am part of it, and I am enjoying it, but I feel as though there are so many more things I'd like to be doing, but I just can't, because there never seems to be enough hours in a day or days in a week. And then when I do actually have a few hours off, I think, "I should do something fun" and then I realize how exhausted I am and I just sit at home and veg.
I wish that I could change things. I wish that I could help people, fix things, be there for more people, take away pain, etc... It is HARD to participate in suffering alongside other people, and not be able to fix it.
I am constantly reminded and refreshed by the promise that God will always be there when we fall. When we are falling. When we have fallen and are laying, sprawled out on the ground, wondering if we will ever be able to get back up.

June already...

Wow. It is June already. It has been two months since I've written in here.
Hmmm...what has happened?

I am working at an Indonesian restaurant downtown in Calgary...to make some cash. A couple of weeks ago one of the brand new (from Indonesia) kitchen guys stabbed the other one a bunch of times...and they both ended up in the hospital for a week, and the restaurant was closed for two weeks. It was fairly traumatic...although I wasn't there. I was supposed to be there, but I was coming in late that day because I had a migraine...and it happened like 15 minutes before I got there! Yikes.

I moved. I now live in Ranchlands, which is in the North West of Calgary, and MUCH closer to Cochrane, thank goodness...so it is way easier and faster to get out to see my sister and family, and to do church stuff. The move was incredibly stressful and well, let's just say, we still have some relational kinks to work out between us roommates! But things are getting settled.

I am also working at the walk-in clinic again, although I have switched clinics to one closer to my house, which is awesome. But between the restaurant and the walk-in clinic, today will be my 13th day in a row of work. So I'm ready to have a one-day break tomorrow, before I start another 12 day stretch. Blah.

I can't think of anything else right now, but I'm sure I'll think of something else soon.

Things to be thankful for...

I realized the other day that I am not thankful enough for what I have here in Canada. My last post was just complaining about not doing "exciting" or "exotic" things, and I am overlooking all the wonderful things that I have here. So here are the highlights...

1. MY FAMILY. Look at my beautiful nephews. I LOVE hanging out with them. And I LOVE hanging out with my sister too. God has blessed me with my family.

2. My friends. Some in Calgary, most all over the world. But I am blessed with cheap long distance for most of them, and, well, I suck it up and pay the phone bill to talk to the other ones!

3. My roommates. They are great.

4. My church. I am liking it more and more. My small group is great too!

I guess those are the highlights. I am not rich and do not have a great job right now, but I also always have enough to eat and have money to put gas in my car. So I can't complain. I am going to be homeless in a couple of months, but hey, I still have another couple of months to look for a place. Although I'm not out having strange adventures, I am really enjoying this new stage of my life. So I just thought I would use this blog to bring a little perspective to my life. God is in control. Through all the stresses of life right now (job, house, money, schooling, etc...) I have to cling to that. Reverse culture shock is hard. But I am getting through it!

New Look...

So, I got a new haircut. Whopee. Okay, so honestly, I feel like nothing exciting has happened in my life since I got home to Canada...what the heck?! I have had fun...I have hung out with my sister and my nephew's so much, and I LOVE every second of it. I have also kind of been a hermit though...I don't know...it is like I am not ready to face the world yet. I'm still working through Honduras stuff and feelings and emotions...but at the same time, I am almost not working through them, because it makes me too sad...so I just keep putting off writing in my journal about it. And I guess that's my update! I still want to post some Hondu pics...so I'll do that soon too!

Home.

I am home.
I am happy, and sad, all at the same time.
I love being back with family and friends, but I miss my Honduran friends. I talked to Rosy on the phone last night and had to hold in the tears, as I realized that I have no idea when I will see her again. I wrote this about how I felt:

Sitting around the kitchen table, illuminated only by the light of a kerosene lamp, burning brilliantly in the centre of the table, looking around at the flame-lit faces of the people most dear to me in Ciriboya, I feel blessed. The blend of black and white faces, blue eyes and brilliant black eyes, blond and black hair, and young and old, is a symbol to me of the transcendence that friendship has over language, race, age, culture or tradition.

I have been forever changed by Ciriboya. The friendships, the joys, the struggles, the tears, the anger, the laughter, and the unforgettable experiences have left an indelible mark on my soul. I have been developped in some way, shape or form through my time in this "backwards" village of Ciriboya...to the point where it no longer seems backwards, but in some profound way, very "frontwards".

The candlelight, the atmosphere, the community around the table, draws it all together for me. The differences cease to divide us, and friendship, the heart of the matter, is what will hold us together.

Almost home...

Me, making casabe, the traditional food of Garifunas. It´s a lot harder than it looks, but it was SO FUN!! That is my ¨second mom¨ there with me...her family is my Honduran family, I love them to pieces.

Sunrise on the beach. Oh my gosh, the pictures do NOT do it justice. It was breathtaking...sitting on a canoe on the beach, sipping tea and watching the sun rise. Wow.

Relaxing in our hammock. This is a favorite pasttime!

I am coming home in one week. There is so much to say, but I have no time to say it, and no time to think. I am very excited to come home, but also VERY SAD to leave my friends and ¨family¨ (Honduran family, that is). Six months has gone by so fast my friends. I cried at church the other day when they announced we were leaving. Saying goodbyes is always hard, it never EVER gets easier. I will write more soon, but for now, I have a whole lot of hanging out to do in the next five days before I say goodbye to my beloved village, Ciriboya, maybe forever.

more random pictures.

This is from when I went to Roatan in January. Rosy, me, Catherine, and Rosy´s sister Jackie. We had a great time together, enjoying the different cultural experience (oh yeah, and the awesome beach!!...hard to believe, but it´s even better than the Ciriboya beach)

Um...the brown thing that´s coming out of this shell is called ¨caracol¨...or in English, ¨conch¨. I ate it the other night. It looks disgusting, and tastes pretty rubbery. It wasn´t bad, as long as I wasn´t thinking about what it looked like when I saw it like this!!

Me, drinking coconut milk right from the coconut! When the milk was gone, we chopped open the coconuts with a machete, and scooped out all the coconut inside, which was kind of like jello, because it wasn´t mature yet. It was so yummy! And it came right from Rosy´s front yard.

A picturesque view of part of Ciriboya. The house is Rosy´s, and I don´t know...I just loved the view. This is the stuff I will miss. Look at how gorgeous God made Ciriboya.

Bad Week.

This has been a bad week, to put it mildly.
I am ready to come home. I have a countdown on. Only 38 more days.
It´s not that I haven´t enjoyed my time, but I am ready to be done. Here are some of the things I´ve been struggling with this week...in no particular order:

- The generator went down for a couple days, so we had almost no power in the office. This makes it hard to do work on the computer, which we all need to do.
- The most important computer with important documents broke. It won´t turn on.
- The internet broke. It is still broken. This means NO COMMUNICATION with the outside world.
- I have had a headache for 12 days. It started as a headache, got worse, then turned into a sinus infection (which is SO PAINFUL...I had no idea). I spent three days in bed, and still feel pretty sick, but am on drugs, so am gradually getting better.
- It´s been unbearably hot here again.
- The truck is broken. We drove for three and a half hours this morning on gravel, potholed roads with NO SHOCKS. This was not a fun experience.
- When I finally got to the city to check emails and call family, the electricity in the entire mall went out, and I had to wait for another two hours. Doesn´t seem like it was a big deal, but it was pretty much the icing on the cake.
- Work issues have been awful. I won´t go into that anymore, but relationships are tense.

On the upside, good things are going to happen! The last few weeks here will go fast. My friend Merissa is coming to visit, she will be here in 10 days! And well, my roommate Catherine and I keep each other sane when no one else can!
Sorry about the slightly depressing blog. Life can´t always be perfect! I have been delinquent at taking pictures, but now that I realize that the end is in sight, I will start again, and post some more. Despite all the bad stuff, God is good. He has been teaching me a LOT about love. I am not as good at it as I thought I was, but I am learning. Some wise missionaries have also helped me work through some cultural issues in the last few weeks, and I am SO THANKFUL to them for their support, advice, and insight.

Very Random Pictures...

Just thought I´d show you some random pictures. This is Kiana. I want to take her home. She is my favorite kid here. She says my name ¨Ka-en¨. Seriously, she is SO CUTE.

This is Mami and Antolin´s house. The house behind is where they sleep (cement floor and tin roof), and the house in front is their ¨kitchen¨. This was taken on their wedding day (they´ve been living together for 12 years and have three kids together, but just got married on December 27, 2006!)

This is the Catholic church. It is the biggest and most well attended church in Ciriboya.

This is the basketball court! Behind the far goal is the beach. I love this picture!

This is typical! The other day our truck got head-butted by a bull, as a pack of cows were passing us on the road.

This is my ride! And a sample of the ¨highway¨ out of Ciriboya!

mad soccer skills...

This week was back to the ¨grind¨ of work in Ciriboya. Vacation was amazing, but it has to end sometime! So it was back to work, which I really don´t mind. I love the microfinance people Carina and Nohel, and I get along great with both of them. I felt semi-productive this week, and am working on a couple of projects to finish in the next few months, which is good, because it is giving me some goals.
We have also been playing soccer, having fun, and enjoying our time left here. The soccer thing started one day because the interns and my boss went to the beach to kick around the soccer ball. Then a bunch of teenagers and a bunch of kids joined us, and we ended up having a game of beach soccer. That was on Tuesday. Since Tuesday we have played almost every day! It is so fun...we start around 4pm (knock off work just a little bit early!) and play until it gets dark and we can´t see either the ball or the goal anymore! (around 6pm). It is great exercise...I have muscles in my feet that I never knew about! And it´s been fun to just hang out with Garifuna people and have fun...laugh with the kids, joke around with the teenagers, and just have a good time.
The ocean was really strong the other day. I went swimming, and went out a little too far, and it was a bit scary. Like I wasn´t out that far, but the waves were pretty big, and although I had no trouble getting back to shore, I decided that I wasn´t a big fan of swimming out that far with waves that huge! I also saw like 10 jellyfish that had been washed up on the beach because of the big waves. They are funny looking...I wished I had my camera with me. Some were pink, and some were blue. And they were kind of hard but jelly-like. Dave suggested we eat them, but we nixed that idea pretty fast!
Anyway, as I´m looking back on the week, it seems pretty mundane. But it was good. We left for the city this morning at 4am, and I got to drive all the way from Ciriboya to the place in the road where the pavement starts. It is a three hour drive on the gravel roads, before you get to the pavement. I felt very special...it was my first time driving that far. I always drive the truck around Ciriboya and surrounding communities, but this was my first farther drive. It was a little bumpy, as it is IMPOSSIBLE to avoid the potholes in the road...but all in all, I was pretty proud!

Island Paradise...

So, this is me and my roommate Catherine, on the tropical island paradise called Roatan. First of all, I haven´t posted many pictures of me lately, because as you can see from my chubby face, I am gaining weight! This is a bad picture of me, and I debated posting it, but then I thought, ¨why not¨?! You might as well be caught up on all aspects of my life! Just as a side note though, my biggest New Year´s Resolution was discipline in eating habits!

So this is where I was the last four days. We took a ferry to Roatan, which is a Honduran Island. We stayed in a dump...I have never seen the contrast so boldly before between what you see above (which is what the tourists see) and where we stayed. There was no running water or toilet in the apartment. The toilet (which was not a proper flushing toilet) was shared by a complex of at LEAST 20 people. There was no shower. We had to haul water up the stairs, wash our dished from a little bucket, and brush our teeth outside. The people decided they didn´t like us, so they changed the lock on the toilet so that we couldn´t get in! So we had to borrow a key for another toilet from someone that one of my friends had as a contact. I don´t know what we would have done otherwise!! Our electricity randomly went out for one entire evening, and we could not sleep with the window open for fear of people climbing in the window. BUT, WE GOT TO GO TO THIS BEACH! During the day, life was heavenly! I went snorkelling, suntanning, swimming, relaxed on the beach, ate good food, had great times with friends, and have absolutely no complaints! I feel truly blessed for all of the experiences I have had in the last month of vacation, and am sad to see the vacation time pass! It´s back to work on Monday. But the fun times continue...although the countdown is on. Only two more months until I return to Canada.

Feliz Año Nuevo!

Let me introduce you to my two beautiful nephews! The older one is Elijah David, and the younger one is Jonah Alexander. I am the most proud auntie on the face of the earth. Seriously. The only thing that would make me happier right now would be to be with them in Canada, holding my brand new nephew Jonah, and hearing Elijah say "I love you Auntie"! MAN, I love them so incredibly much!

So, Happy New Year! I can't believe it is 2007. Wow. Time is flying by. Everyday I am reminded of the fact that I need to take advantage of every opportunity. And here's one for you...the other day I went "CRAB CATCHING". There is actually a verb in Spanish that describes the act of catching crabs from the ocean! So, in Canada, my dad says that if you buy fresh crabs, they may be like $10.99 a pound, or so. The other day me and Rosy and Jessica went to the ocean. We tossed a bunch of chicken guts tied to a rope into the ocean (the chicken guts were from the two chickens that they killed in the morning, because they felt like eating fresh chicken, but that's a different story!). Then me and Jessica stayed on the beach with a big pot, and Rosy went into the ocean looking for the chicken guts. Every couple of minutes, she would pull it up, and there would be a crab eating the guts. So she would grab the crab, very carefully so as to not get pinched (they have wicked pinchers), and then she would throw it up onto the beach, where Jessica would proceed to bury it with sand, in order to immobilize it, and then pick it up and toss it in the bucket. Within about 45 minutes, they had caught a dozen HUGE crabs, plus a few tiny ones that were running around on the beach. We went back to their house, washed the sand off, boiled them up, and within about 5 minutes, we were eating fresh crab! I don't know exactly how much we ate, but it was at LEAST 5 pounds, maybe more. Amazing, hey!? It was such a cool experience! Although I can't say that I was very much help, I am VERY SCARED of their pinchers, and prefer to stay as far away from them as possible. I pretty much was the cheering section of the whole ordeal, and whenever a crab would get too close to me, I would run and scream like a little girl! Take advantage of every opportunity this year.

Christmas in Hondu

I would like to mention some important things about my Christmas:

* This is me with my roommate Catherine.

* I had an AWESOME stocking from my mom, and Catherine and I also exchanged presents, which was lots of fun, although definitely not the same as being at home. Catherine's dad is here visiting too, which is fun.

* We had coffee with Bailey's for breakfast, and we had french toast. It was a wonderful morning, until I started feeling sick to my stomach. I decided to ignore it, and we went to the beach to chill out for a while.

* While at the beach, we saw two jellyfish in the water, that were heading straight for us, so we screamed like little girls and ran out of the water! Then, as I went to suntan, I suddenly felt the urge to throw up. So I did. All that great breakfast, down the drain!

* I got to talk to my entire family on skype, and to Sarah on msn. It was SO NICE to hear from loved ones

* The rest of the day I didn't eat, and I ate "Christmas Dinner", but hardly ate any. We had a pretty good dinner, corn from a can, mashed potatoes from a box, cranberry sauce, carrots, Stove Top stuffing, green olives, and...sausage! We wanted chicken, but couldn't find ANY CHICKEN in our whole village. All in all, a good meal.

* It was sad to be away from family, but at least I had other English speakers to be with. We listened to Christmas music on the computer all night. It was very relaxing.

Thank you to all who wrote me notes of encouragement, emails, etc... I really appreciated them. Aaron Hoos, thanks a ton! You really encouraged me on a day when I really needed it!

This is the scorpion that Catherine's dad killed this morning...AFTER IT STUNG ME ON THE WRIST. It hurt like a bugger. Now I can officially say that I have been stung by a scorpion, and survived to tell the tale! Don't worry mom, I'm fine!

Feliz Navidad!

Merry Christmas from my side of the world.
This is my beach. It is so gorgeous. I went swimming all by myself yesterday, and I had a really good time relaxing. Today I made homemade chocolate chip cookies, just like home.

I saw the Nativity movie in the city. It was very good. It is hard to think about Christmas sometimes and remember the real reason. I mean, it is easy, but hard. Because it is always easier with family. This year I have to equate Christmas with CHRIST ALONE. All the trappings are gone. Just me and him. I hope you have a good Christmas.

Have you ever been to a real volcano?

This is lava! Yesterday me and my roommate Catherine hiked up a volcano (with a tour) in Guatemala...the volcano is called Pacaya. This is real lava...that has been hardened and stuff. It is really really cool...and there was heat coming up from it and everything. And there was this one part, where you could look into the crevice, and there, like three feet below where my feet were, there was red hot molten lava! It was such a cool experience...definitely not something you see everyday.

This is the view from the lava crater. The dark part is the lava, and the rest of the mountain, and then there are just mountains and mountains in the distance. Pictures will never do it justice, but it was absolutely breathtaking. We were standing in the middle of a volcano, surrounded by clouds rushing over us. Wow.

This is me, standing amidst the lava. We had to wake up at 5:30am to go and do this, but it was definitely worth it. Worth every second of being out of shape during the climb (which was only 3km) to the top...for this unforgettable experience.

Today I took a bus for 15 hours. I´m back in Honduras. I loved Guatemala, but it´s nice to be back too! I think tomorrow I´m going home...to Ciriboya.

I HAVE A NEW NEPHEW!! Jonah Alexander Yang, born December 16, 2006, at 11:30pm. I haven´t seen pictures of him yet, but I can hardly wait. I am an auntie again!!

Merry Almost Christmas...

It's almost Christmas. I'm sad. I'm far away from my family and friends, and I want to come home. It doesn't seem like Christmas at all, except for the 100 versions of "feliz navidad" that I hear every day. I want to go home. To cold. To snow. And most important, to family. I am lonely here, even though I am with my roommate Catherine, who has been a great travel companion.
I am in Guatemala! This has been the last few days:

December 10: Left Ciriboya. It was POURING RAIN and we almost didn't make it out. We had to drive through rivers that were at least up to my waist, and the current was strong. I was scared we would get swept right off the road and into the river...but we didn't! Made it to La Ceiba, the city we always go to. It took us 7 hours.
December 11: Got on a bus to go to Guatemala. We got on the bus at 5am, and we got to the city of Guatemala at 8pm. Now count the hours...that is 15 hours on a bus. I was so tired of buses. But we weren't done yet. We got off the bus for like 15 minutes, and got on another bus to go to Antigua, which is the Old City of Guatemala. Another 1 hour on the bus! Had a late supper at an amazing restaurant, and finally felt like we were on vacation!
December 12: Woke up early and explored Antigua for the morning. It is a touristy place, with cool shops, awesome scenery, and quaint little coffee houses. Then got on ANOTHER bus to head to San Marcos, where we were visiting the CAUSE project there. This was another 7 hours on the bus...we didn't get there until midnight.
December 13: We left for Comitancillo, the little village where CAUSE is working. This was not bad, only an hour away, and it was in a car! Spent the day there...it is a cool little mountain village with awesome colors, typical dress, great cheap food, and a great cultural experience! Played basketball for the first time in months, and relaxed. It was a great day!
December 14: Spent another day in Comitancillo, soaking everything in! Went back to San Marcos at night, and hung out. It was a nice relaxing day, with not much travel.
December 15: Woke up at 4:30am. Got in the car at 5am. Drove to Mexico!! Yes, Mexico. We needed to cross the border to renew our passports, so we decided to just drive to Mexico for the day! A place called Tapachula, Chiapas. It was AWESOME! It made me want to go back to Mexico SO BADLY.
December 16: Got on ANOTHER bus, for another 7 hour bus ride back to Guatemala City. Oh my gosh, I'm so tired of buses! Stayed in a bed and breakfast in Guatemala City. Ate at McDonalds, it was so nice to have a Big Mac!
December 17: Today I have been touristy! We are back in Antigua, and am staying here today and tomorrow, just RELAXING. I am looking forward to writing A LOT in my journal, before my next long busride back to Honduras.

Anyway, that's my life in the past week! No pictures this time. But hope you enjoyed the update. Write me an email if you remember...I am very lonely this Christmas.

Geographic Differences...

Okay, so I wanted you to be able to picture my life a little bit more. This scene is what you see as you are walking into one of the main roads in town, coming off the ¨highway¨. Yes, this is the main road. Okay, so as you can plainly see, there are some differences between Ciriboya and Canada. In Canada, if it rained, you would simply walk on the sidewalk, and try and avoid the ¨puddles¨. Yes, I put puddles in quotation marks, because as you can clearly see, in comparison, the puddles in Canada just do not compare! So, in order for me to walk around this puddle and keep going, I know exactly what to do (I know this from many MANY times of doing the wrong thing, and falling in the mud and getting my feet and sandals all muddy and gross). I will NOT take the route to the left, although it looks promising, looks can be deceiving. It is actually a swamp, and I will get muddy for sure. No, if I want to continue on this road (which I do, because it´s the main road into Ciriboya) I have to cross on the right hand side. Someone has graciously placed a log across the water, which I have to precariously cross, so as not to fall in. Then, a little farther up, you can see another log, which also has to be crossed, and from there I can pick my way around the mud, until I come out clean on the other side!
This is life in the rainy season. No one tries to do anything about it, they just get creative and throw logs across the deeper puddles. It is SUCH a different life! I am ready for rainy season to be over. This morning at 4am we were waiting for the bus in the POURING rain, to go to the city, and my sweatshirt was SOAKED...like I could have wrung it out and drank it there was so much water! So this puddle isn´t going away anytime soon!

welcome to my life!

These are my friends. From left to right - Carina, Catherine, Rosy, and me. Carina works in the microcredit program, so I work with her everyday. She is very soft spoken, but once you get to know her, she has such a sense of humor. She lives in a one room house, that is made out of sticks and mud with a tin roof. NO JOKE. Sticks and mud. She doesn´t have a bathroom in her house yet, so whenever she has to use the facilities, she has to walk down the mountain to the store in town that her in-laws own. She has the BEST view of the ocean from her house. I will show it to you someday.

Catherine is my roommate, as you know. We get along great. God has blessed me with her, that is for sure.

Rosy, I´ve told you about. Her family is outrageous...I´ve never met a more giving family in my entire life. Two weeks ago we came to the city with her (she has 8 sisters, and 4 of them live in the city La Ceiba!) and we stayed in their house. We all went out for dinner for a going away party for Rory, and they were so generous...they lent me clothes to wear out, and everything. And then when I got back home to Ciriboya, I opened up my bag, and one of her sisters had given me two shirts. Just given them to me. Just for the heck of it. They had known me for two days. Wow. We have much to learn about life from these Garifunas.

The anticipated Pictures!

So here are the anticipated pictures. The progression from LIVING...

To DEAD (thankfully I wasn´t actually there for that part...I think I would have been scarred for life)

To being skinned (this is when I showed up...it was gross, it´s muscles were still twitching)

To who knows what...

To in the back of the truck, ready to take to Sandra´s house to cook. I know it looks disgusting, and it was disgusting to witness, but the meat the next day...MAN IT WAS GOOD!