children and chillin'

I am sitting in the Alberta Children's Hospital.  

I am here with my nephew Kade, who is once again in the hospital.

He is so cute, and innocent, and I just feel so bad for him...why won't his lungs grow faster?

I spent all day yesterday and all last night with him, and had a fabulous time.  I love the way he looks at me with those big brown eyes, and my heart just melts.

Over the weekend, my friend Christy was in town...we figured out that we've known each other for 18 years!  Definitely one of my oldest friendships.  It was a fun time...we did Lake Louise, Kensington, 17th Ave, a Pride and Prejudice marathon (can you believe that I had never seen the movie?!), and just hung out with friends and family.  I was sick the whole time, which sucked, but other than that, it was great fun.

Discouraged...

I know all the Sunday School answers.  

And I actually believe them all too...

But I am discouraged.  If God has His best for me, where is it?

I have a LOT to be thankful for...but I need a job. 

I had an interview for the perfect job, and I didn't get it.

Now, I know this happens all the time, and it's part of the job-searching process, but I'm still choked.  I'm running out of options here.

Anyway, not to be all negative.  On a positive note, I am keeping myself VERY busy with stuff...still helping at Karla's all the time, growing deeper in friendships, doing lots of fun stuff, being in a Christmas musical, etc...!  So...there's lots of good stuff going on too...I'm not just a downer.

Dominican...

What a glorious vacation!

The beach, the weather, the pool, the food and drinks, the company, the excursions, the massage on the beach, the people we met, getting to speak Spanish, it was all just so great.

We thought the weather would be terrible because of Hurrican Ike, but it passed through before we even got there, and it was beautiful weather.  Our week consisted of swimming, suntanning, lying around, kayaking, catamaraning, going on excursions to the capital city and to the villages around where we were, eating, drinking, watching live entertainment, and so much more.  I have no complaints whatsoever.  The resort was amazing, it was nice to do the all-inclusive thing for a change, but also nice to get out of the resort and catch a glimpse of the "real Dominican".  

Dominicans are amazing...I always find it so fascinating to talk to other people and see what makes them tick.  Rudy, the guy in the picture, was our favorite waiter, we talked to him every day and well, he was just a great guy!  What else can I say?  All in all...a great week.  

So much to say...but every time I sit down to write something, I end up deleting it and closing the window. Today is September 1, 2008. My how time flies. It was already two years ago that I was getting ready to go to Honduras. Holy smokes.

Top 5 Things about Summer 2008:

1. Hanging out with Karla, Dave, Elijah, Jonah, Peyton, and Kade. I love those guys.

2. Trip to Atlanta to visit Larissa. That was such a good, relaxing time. Going to Florida too.

3. Camping in Rocky...actually rafting in Rocky is more accurate. The camping sucked. The rafting was awesome.

4. Hanging out with friends - Sarah, Julie, Julie, Merissa, etc... It was good times all around (Canmore, Taste of Calgary, GlobalFest, Corn Maze, etc...)

5. Not having a job. While this was stressful in terms of finances, it was great in terms of flexibility and freedom to help out Karla and do what I wanted to do.

This is me and the Julie's in the corn maze. It was really fun. They also had a petting zoo with cute little kittens that I wanted to take home. Oh Gilmore...all grown up. What's coming up for me then? Well, I need to get a job. Very badly. But before that, I am going to the Dominican Republic for an all-inclusive trip! I leave on Saturday, and I'm VERY EXCITED!! Woop woop...warmer weather, here I come!

Summer Life...

It's strange to me...I have been jobless so far this summer!

This has allowed me the unique opportunity to hang out a lot with family, to do a little travelling (to Atlanta, and to Pensacola Beach, Florida), to do a missions trip with the youth, to sleep in a lot, and to generally enjoy the time that I am given.

I am needing to start looking for a job...one that allows me to use my gifts and abilities, and one that is interesting, and one that actually pays me money to do the above two things! Anyone have any suggestions?!

Also, I turned 30 this year. YIKES. Man am I ever old. You know how when you were younger, you thought you'd have it all figured out by this time? Yeah, that's a myth...it's definitely not true!

Here are some pics of my nephews...I now have four! Elijah (3 1/2), Jonah (1 1/2), and Peyton and Kade (almost 8 weeks). They are adorable.

It's a brand new day!!!

My sister told me that my last blog was a little depressing and really I have much more good things in my life then I let on. So, really I shouldn't feel cold and freezing, brrr...but there are times when I feel alive and happy, and really quite positive!! I am actually very excited about graduation because I have been in school for most of my almost 30 years of life and it will be freeing to have a job and make some real money (not that 2 days a week at the medicenter isn't a good job!!) There are a lot of possibilities out there for me, I just need to actually narrow down what it is that I want to do!! I also really enjoy helping my sister, who is basically on bedrest, she is having twins and spending time with my nephews is the joy of my life. Now if only Jonah would learn to say my name and not Curtis's then I would have even more to be excited about. I am looking forward to the summer when the weather will be hot and I can spend time outside!! I have good friends, Sara, Julie, Merissa, and of course my loving sister, and for those people I am truly thankful for.

So really, life is not as sad or depressing as I may have made it seem the other day, because I know that there is more to life and that God has given me much more then I may sometimes credit Him for.

blah...

I feel blah. About most of my life. I feel like everyday just kind of goes, and then it's over, and I haven't really accomplished anything. Except working at a job that doesn't interest me, and writing papers that don't interest me. BLAH. I am excited for graduation, but not at the same time, because then it's the same old question of "so, what are you doing when you graduate? Do you have a job?" to which I say, no, I don't. Not because I'm not good enough for any job, but because I simply haven't looked for one yet. I don't know what is wrong with me...it's like there is just something holding me back, because once I look for a job, it's all downhill and the rest of my life is going to get planned for me. And while it might be exciting, and will open new doors, it will also close lots of other doors. And that scares me. So I sit at this place of indecisiveness, seven weeks before graduation, and it's almost as if I am frozen in time. Except time is not freezing. It is just me. Brrr.

This one's for you, Karla...

Thought I'd post a couple of recent pictures of my favorite nephews ever.

They are so dang cute!

I would update this more, but I feel like not much is going on in my life. School, work, boring. Hanging out with Karla and the boys...EXCITING!! Seriously. I can be washing dishes or doing laundry, but having the time of my life, because I am with them!!
(I'm supposed to be writing a paper right now, but I'm not...so...I'm gonna go and finish it)

Resolutions...

I went cross-country skiing today in Kananaskis Country! It was really fun. And tiring. Man, I wish I was in better shape! It was a beautiful day, we were in beatiful creation, and well, it was just a good day! I want to take advantage of more opportunities like this!

I haven't really thought that much about New Year's resolutions. I guess they are the same for me every year...more discipline in my life. Discipline in exercise, discipline in eating habits, discipline in my spiritual life. I feel like 2008 is going to be a big one in my life. No idea why, but that's just the feeling that I get. Let's see what the year brings!

Christmas...

One thing that I really missed about being in Honduras last year was CHRISTMAS! They don't really seem to care about it much there...especially in the village. And how "christmassy" can you get with no electricity or evergreen trees?! I know, I know, that's not what Christmas is all about, and trust me, I really did appreciate it in a totally different way than I ever have before. But man, CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!! Trees, sparkly lights, candy canes, even snow (as long as I don't have to go outside!), and ALL THAT STUFF is so exciting to me this year!
The morning the time changed, I was in the drive-through line at Tim Horton's on my way to church (I was celebrating...because I thought I was going to be late for church, and then I realized I hadn't changed my time and I still had almost an hour!...so I hit up Tim Horton's) I was getting coffee...and the woman handed me the coffee cup and I realized that it was a Christmas cup. I then proceeded to screech, at the top of my lungs and like a little girl, "CHRISTMASSSSSSSSSSSSS!!". She was a little shocked and gave me a strange look, but I didn't really care. I love Christmas!

Other than Christmas coming up, life is pretty average. Work, school, homework, hanging out with family and friends, nothing much to report. I had a breakdown the other day and bawled like a baby, because I saw pictures of Ciriboya on the new interns' facebook, and then I realized that I have not left Calgary in 9 months. OH MY GOSH. I'm getting the itch. Just a vacation...doesn't have to be long term! Just put me on a plane somewhere, anywhere!

I can't believe I never posted these...

Creation is beautiful.
I love the mountains. I don't take advantage of them enough. Sarah and I went to Banff last weekend. Beautiful, crisp air, amazing colours, gorgeous scenery...it was a great time.
I don't love fall, but I liked it on Saturday.

So I ran in a 10km run. It was a long time ago. But I can't believe I never posted the pictures! So I'm posting them now. I did it with Catherine, my wonderful Honduras roomie. Speaking of Honduras, there are more interns down there now. How sad I am. And I'm once again yearning for adventure and excitement! Anyway, I ran the 10km in 1 hour and 58 seconds. Which isn't good at all, for runners. But for those of you who know anything about me, you will know that a runner, I AM NOT!! So I was pretty proud.

Besides that, life is well, routine. Not bad, just routine. School, work, friends, family. I like it. Although I'm not gonna lie, I wany to go somewhere soon... just for a vacation!

so embarassing...

Just a strange story for you.
Yesterday I met Patrick, the next Micro-Finance intern for Ciriboya. We met at Starbucks in an Indigo store. I had obviously never met him before, and had no clue what he looked like. So, in an effort to try and figure out who he was (in hindsight I should have just waited for him to find me!) I introduced myself to some random guy, with the conversation starter of "at the risk of sounding strange, is your name by any chance...Patrick?"

To which the random guy replied, "no...(awkward silence)...sorry...(more awkward silence)...one of THOSE situations, hey?"...to which I responded "...yeah..." and kind of trailed off and left awkwardly. Even though I realized, kind of after the fact, that he thought I was getting stood up on a blind date...and I pretty much told him that I WAS. OH MY GOSH...so embarassing. That's all I have to say! And that's when I realized, I'm not ready for the world of blind-dating!

The conclusion of the story is that I sat down, tried not to make eye contact with the guy, and then Patrick found me and we had a great time talking about my beloved Ciriboya! I'm so excited for him. I wish it was me going back (in some ways...the relationship way mainly...I miss my Honduran friends!)

Anyhow, that's my story!

Back to School, Back to School...

The summer is over.
This is my last day of working at Cochrane Alliance Church. That is a little sad.

I am back to school. Going to be working 24 hours a week at the walk-in clinic, taking some courses, running a women's leadership team for the undergrads at my school, helping out with a Mexican mother named Alejandra and her three children (they are refugees from Guadalajara), hanging out with friends and family, helping out with youth at church, and keeping busy and enjoying life!

The summer was hectic. I worked a full-time job and a part-time job. It was crazy. Don't ever do it if you can afford not to. I had lots of fun this summer too...but kind of layed low...nothing too exciting or crazy.

I'm graduating this year! woot woot. Which begs the question, "What Next Karyn?!" That question scares me. I know what I would like to do, but am plagued by insecurities of my inadequacy for the job. Plagued by fear of doing the job alone, not having my network of family and friends. Having to rely SOLELY on my Creator. So, I guess I am trying to work through that stuff. At least I should be trying. So far this summer, I think I've just hidden it under work, work, more work, and some guitar-hero playing in there too!

Anyway, enough rambling for now.

"i wanna quit the gym"!!

Okay, you know that episode of FRIENDS where Chandler wants to quit the gym?! For all of you who know what I'm talking about, that is how I felt the other day! Only it was not the gym, it was my Rogers cell phone service. "I wanna quit Rogers!!"
I called them, because my cell phone bill for last month was a ridiculously high $125 in one month. So I was like, "I need to cancel my service" at which point the lady that I was talking to I'm sure put on her sweet voice, and said, as sympathetically as she could, "may I ask why?"
That opened a whole can of worms, to talk about all the problems with Rogers, and with my phone, and somehow, at the end of the conversation, I not only found it impossible to quit Rogers, but I also found myself with a new plan, (that is more expensive, but will save me money in the long run) and a new phone!
Oh dear. I am not good at saying no.

On a side note, Sarah is back! Yay. It's so exciting...we got to see her for a couple of days. We went camping (with the church), had a party, ate Earls, and well, just hang out. It was good. And only three more restaurant shifts, before I go to work for the rest of the summer at my church, as the assistant to the children's pastor. It will be much more fun than waiting tables!

Falling.

I don't know why I posted this picture...it is completely random. It is me and Larissa up on the Calgary tower, and we are standing on the glass floor pretending that we are falling off. Hmm...I feel like that is what my life feels like lately. I am falling...and I just feel kind of out of control to stop it or fix it! Nothing huge is happening to me, but I just feel almost like life is happening around me, you know? I am part of it, and I am enjoying it, but I feel as though there are so many more things I'd like to be doing, but I just can't, because there never seems to be enough hours in a day or days in a week. And then when I do actually have a few hours off, I think, "I should do something fun" and then I realize how exhausted I am and I just sit at home and veg.
I wish that I could change things. I wish that I could help people, fix things, be there for more people, take away pain, etc... It is HARD to participate in suffering alongside other people, and not be able to fix it.
I am constantly reminded and refreshed by the promise that God will always be there when we fall. When we are falling. When we have fallen and are laying, sprawled out on the ground, wondering if we will ever be able to get back up.

June already...

Wow. It is June already. It has been two months since I've written in here.
Hmmm...what has happened?

I am working at an Indonesian restaurant downtown in Calgary...to make some cash. A couple of weeks ago one of the brand new (from Indonesia) kitchen guys stabbed the other one a bunch of times...and they both ended up in the hospital for a week, and the restaurant was closed for two weeks. It was fairly traumatic...although I wasn't there. I was supposed to be there, but I was coming in late that day because I had a migraine...and it happened like 15 minutes before I got there! Yikes.

I moved. I now live in Ranchlands, which is in the North West of Calgary, and MUCH closer to Cochrane, thank goodness...so it is way easier and faster to get out to see my sister and family, and to do church stuff. The move was incredibly stressful and well, let's just say, we still have some relational kinks to work out between us roommates! But things are getting settled.

I am also working at the walk-in clinic again, although I have switched clinics to one closer to my house, which is awesome. But between the restaurant and the walk-in clinic, today will be my 13th day in a row of work. So I'm ready to have a one-day break tomorrow, before I start another 12 day stretch. Blah.

I can't think of anything else right now, but I'm sure I'll think of something else soon.

Things to be thankful for...

I realized the other day that I am not thankful enough for what I have here in Canada. My last post was just complaining about not doing "exciting" or "exotic" things, and I am overlooking all the wonderful things that I have here. So here are the highlights...

1. MY FAMILY. Look at my beautiful nephews. I LOVE hanging out with them. And I LOVE hanging out with my sister too. God has blessed me with my family.

2. My friends. Some in Calgary, most all over the world. But I am blessed with cheap long distance for most of them, and, well, I suck it up and pay the phone bill to talk to the other ones!

3. My roommates. They are great.

4. My church. I am liking it more and more. My small group is great too!

I guess those are the highlights. I am not rich and do not have a great job right now, but I also always have enough to eat and have money to put gas in my car. So I can't complain. I am going to be homeless in a couple of months, but hey, I still have another couple of months to look for a place. Although I'm not out having strange adventures, I am really enjoying this new stage of my life. So I just thought I would use this blog to bring a little perspective to my life. God is in control. Through all the stresses of life right now (job, house, money, schooling, etc...) I have to cling to that. Reverse culture shock is hard. But I am getting through it!

New Look...

So, I got a new haircut. Whopee. Okay, so honestly, I feel like nothing exciting has happened in my life since I got home to Canada...what the heck?! I have had fun...I have hung out with my sister and my nephew's so much, and I LOVE every second of it. I have also kind of been a hermit though...I don't know...it is like I am not ready to face the world yet. I'm still working through Honduras stuff and feelings and emotions...but at the same time, I am almost not working through them, because it makes me too sad...so I just keep putting off writing in my journal about it. And I guess that's my update! I still want to post some Hondu pics...so I'll do that soon too!

Home.

I am home.
I am happy, and sad, all at the same time.
I love being back with family and friends, but I miss my Honduran friends. I talked to Rosy on the phone last night and had to hold in the tears, as I realized that I have no idea when I will see her again. I wrote this about how I felt:

Sitting around the kitchen table, illuminated only by the light of a kerosene lamp, burning brilliantly in the centre of the table, looking around at the flame-lit faces of the people most dear to me in Ciriboya, I feel blessed. The blend of black and white faces, blue eyes and brilliant black eyes, blond and black hair, and young and old, is a symbol to me of the transcendence that friendship has over language, race, age, culture or tradition.

I have been forever changed by Ciriboya. The friendships, the joys, the struggles, the tears, the anger, the laughter, and the unforgettable experiences have left an indelible mark on my soul. I have been developped in some way, shape or form through my time in this "backwards" village of Ciriboya...to the point where it no longer seems backwards, but in some profound way, very "frontwards".

The candlelight, the atmosphere, the community around the table, draws it all together for me. The differences cease to divide us, and friendship, the heart of the matter, is what will hold us together.

Almost home...

Me, making casabe, the traditional food of Garifunas. It´s a lot harder than it looks, but it was SO FUN!! That is my ¨second mom¨ there with me...her family is my Honduran family, I love them to pieces.

Sunrise on the beach. Oh my gosh, the pictures do NOT do it justice. It was breathtaking...sitting on a canoe on the beach, sipping tea and watching the sun rise. Wow.

Relaxing in our hammock. This is a favorite pasttime!

I am coming home in one week. There is so much to say, but I have no time to say it, and no time to think. I am very excited to come home, but also VERY SAD to leave my friends and ¨family¨ (Honduran family, that is). Six months has gone by so fast my friends. I cried at church the other day when they announced we were leaving. Saying goodbyes is always hard, it never EVER gets easier. I will write more soon, but for now, I have a whole lot of hanging out to do in the next five days before I say goodbye to my beloved village, Ciriboya, maybe forever.